I'm Tired

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June has never been kind to me 
not since last year.
There’s this heaviness in my chest again,
like I’ve lost a battle no one saw me fight.

And yes, I failed.
For the second time, I scanned that list
and my name 
wasn’t there.

It stung.
More than I wanted it to.
I felt the weight of silence.
The kind that follows you
when everyone remembers you as
“the academically gifted one.”

That child 
the one they used to speak of with pride,
she’s tired.
Tired of carrying those big, shining words
on her slouched shoulders.
Tired of pretending resilience is her second skin.

But rest?
That’s a luxury I can’t afford.
Not yet.

I’m trying 
trying to process, to breathe,
to remind myself that this isn’t the end.
That other doors still exist.

But I hesitate.
I don’t want to lose sight of my goal 
not let anything, anyone,
become a distraction.

Still, the pieces are scattered.
I don’t know how to fit them back together.
But I’m not quitting.
Even when I want to.
Even when I whisper it in the dark.

I just… needed to say this out loud

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